Job Application Letter Critique
Andrew Tau
Blk 120B Rivervale Drive
#13-388 S(542120)
Telephone: +65 97606567
September 4, 2009
HR manager
THELo&BeholdGROUP
331 North Bridge Road
#10-06 Odeon Towers S(188720)
Dear Sir/Madam,
APPLICATION FOR THE POSITION OF EVENTS AND MARKETING ASSOCIATE
I refer to the position of Events and Marketing Associate listed on www.jobsdb.com.sg dated 31 August 2009.
I am a graduate from the National University of Singapore with an Honours degree in Biology. I am an outgoing individual with a strong interest and passion for events as well as the food and beverage industry. My background in science honed my abilities to grasp concepts easily, thereby enhancing my practical understanding skills. Coupled with my strong work ethics, I am confident that I will be able to add value to Lo&Behold and achieve the organization’s strive for excellence in the food and beverage industry.
During my academic stint, I held leadership roles in multiple projects. This cultivated my interpersonal skills and my ability to solve problems efficiently and creatively. I was also involved in research projects, of which I Iearnt how to approach and resolve issues in a logical and methodological manner.
I have also been privileged to work in established companies such as, Wildrice Singapore Pte Ltd, Fly Entertainment Pte Ltd and Orangedot Pte Ltd. Gaining work experience through internships and assignments in these firms gave me the exposure as I networked and interacted with industry players on various levels. I also learnt how to manage, coordinate and execute events having taken on multiple roles in events planning. My public relations and management skills have also been enhanced through the events-related projects that I was assigned.
I am motivated and able to produce work of the highest standards. Apart from being able to operate independently both with initiative and resourcefulness, I also work well as a team player in attaining common goals.
My Curriculum Vitae is attached for your consideration. I will be most willing to furnish you with any information where required and I will contact you shortly to ensure that my resume has reached you.
I look forward to working in your esteemed organization.
Yours Faithfully
Mr. Andrew Tau
PS: Sorry the formatting is a little out. Please ignore the format.
Hi Andrew,
Good effort!
Just a few points to take note:
Check the name of the company – is it one word, or is it ‘THE Lo & Behold GROUP’ (with spacing)?
I noticed that you have tried to respond to the requirements on the ad, which is great. You may like to consider briefly sharing how you would ‘market The White Rabbit as a distinctive event venue’. Alternatively, if you have prior experience in this area, talk about it.
Think about how you can stand out from the rest of the applicants. You have included very relevant previous job experience, so that’s good. You may like to share with your reader(s) briefly, but specifically, your achievements – for example how you “work well as a team player in attaining common goals”, and what you meant by “networked and interacted with industry players on various levels” (what did you do exactly) ?
Ms. Lim
Hi Andrew
I must agree with Ms Lim that you do have ‘very relevant previous job experience’! This certainly makes you a rare find in the Science cohort. I think you’ve also been effective in pointing out the skills that you’ve acquired through your work experience, and how they will be useful to your prospective employer.
Just one suggestion: if the paragraph that begins with the claim of your being ‘motivated and able to produce work of the highest standards’ is meant to sum up all that were mentioned in the preceding paragraphs, you could perhaps add a conjunction to indicate this purpose. Otherwise, as Ms Lim has pointed out, it looks like an unsubstantiated claim.
All in all, I think you’ve written a tightly-knit letter with cleverly selected credentials.
Bing Fu
Hi andrew,
From your sentence, “During my academic stint, I held leadership roles in multiple projects” perhaps you could give more details as to what these roles and projects are. This would help your letter to stand out much more from the rest.
-Aaron
Hey Andrew,
I think you have written a pretty well application letter. Your relevant experiences certainly made your letter stand out.
I agree with Aaron that you could have elaborated a bit more on your paragraph about your leadership roles. That would probably bring in more qualities that you have apart from the work experiences that you had.
Audrey
Hi Andrew,
Firstly, I think that you really do have many relevant job experience. Here are some of my opinion which I think you can consider to improve. Firstly, for the closing paragraph, you may want to add in some follow up information, probably call them up after a few days which you sent out your letter, and that it will be good to give a specific date. Also you have said that you did held many leadership position and is creative, maybe you will like to elaborate more on how you can contribute to the company.
yongshen
Thanks all for your helpful comments. And I have incorporated some of the more relevant help tips I’ve received from you guys!
cheers